Silence of Agony

maurukh zaidi

There are some poems that need to be written just to get them off your chest. This poem is one of them. it is one of the most painful ones I have written to date but it must be mentioned. I wouldn’t have shared it normally, but I thought of all those who might be undergoing the same issue and decided to go ahead.

I’m at peace with myself now. There are a few things I have come to terms with, especially the fact that machines are not 100% efficient. They can’t replace the miracle of the human body which is why I should stop trying so hard to hear every single thing. I’m no longer sad that some things can’t be heard.

Everywhere I am, whether at home, or at college, or at a social gathering, my reflexes are hyperacute. I have to be constantly aware of what’s going on around me, otherwise, I will lose out. Sometimes I’m envious of others and how easy it is for them to follow group conversations and the general happenings around them. Conversations for me are like the golden snitch, and I’m Draco Malfoy, the guy who never gets the snitch.

But in the end, I’ve come to the realization that we all are excluded from things in our own ways. We all have shortcomings and we all have imperfections. That’s what makes us beautifully, uniquely human at the end of the day. And the best thing is when we can connect despite our differences and understand one another. Empathy is everything.

Silence of Agony

The harsh cacophony of voices expands to fill every inch of the dining room
Everybody is laughing at grandpa’s funny recollections of his school classroom

In the midst of the smiles etched on lips, my heart senses an impending doom
I suddenly feel nauseated and long for the solitary confinement of my bedroom

Everything looks picture perfect like a Bollywood film enfolding before my eyes
But in this utopia of family bonding-time I feel like an ostracised alien in disguise

The words wrap themselves like a noose around my neck stifling my internal cries
As I break free they scatter into a jigsaw puzzle of ideas I try desperately to analyse

The harder I strain my ears to grasp the nonstop chatter the further I am side-lined
For a few seconds I bite back tears of frustration, wishing that everyone were blind

If I gather the nerve to ask what my ears missed, I am silenced with a “never mind”
Yet another reminder that I am a misfit in a world where normality is well defined

But I leave these blazing thoughts unsaid in the confined realms of my imagination
Because the disabled who unassumingly accept fate are showered with admiration

While those who question what equality means are a threat to society’s foundation
Society treats us with condescending sympathy, thinking us as inferior in creation

But no more will I reply to all well-meaning wishers with “Thank you, I’m fine.”
And between support and humiliation, I will now know where to draw the line

No more will I remain silent when I am unable to understand a joke’s punch line
And I will let my clear voice unleash my unique potential and inner soul’s shine

By Mahrukh Zaidi



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